Jessica Johnston –
Don’t you wish you could just skip right over the small talk and get down to the real questions you want to ask on a first date? You could skip right over the typical “tell me about your job” and “what do you do for fun”, and dive face-first into the personal questions that nobody ever asks on a date. We all have those certain questions we are aching to get answers to, but most of these questions are also considered to be socially unacceptable.
“Is this a date date?”
You bought a new outfit, you spent 3+ hours on your hair and makeup, and in one shower you went from looking like a grizzly bear to a naked mole rat. If you’re not on a date date, then you’re going to be seriously pissed about all the effort you went to to make yourself presentable.
“How many dates have you been on this week?”
Nobody wants to date a serial dater, but it’s also damn near impossible to find out whether you’re the first date of the week, or the 7th. Does he have another date lined up immediately after yours? There’s no way to tell unless you decide to quiz him on his dating schedule like we really wish we could do.
“What’s your history with ghosting?”
He gets a 10/10 if he doesn’t even know what the term ghosting is, but you’ll hit the ground running if he is a habitual ghoster. Ghosting is for babies, and we all should have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to being intentionally ignored!
“How often do you talk to your ex? The choices are…”
B. Once or twice a year
D. Every day
You’ll figure out the answer to this eventually, but getting it out in the open on the first date would save you a considerable amount of detective work. If he chooses option A, then you’re in the clear, but if he chooses D, then you may have a rocky road ahead of you!
“What’s your “after the first date” protocol?”
Will you text me, or should I text you? Are you going to make me wait 3 days to hear from you? If only we could really ask these questions.. In reality, we have to figure it out the hard way and play the dreaded guessing game of “when’s he gonna call?”
“Do I look as hot as I do in my profile pic?”
When we go on a first date with someone we’ve only met online, it’s only natural to want – no, NEED to know whether we match up to his expectations.
“Are you expecting to get in my pants tonight?”
You know he’s thought about the possibility of getting lucky, but is it an expectation of his when it comes to first dates?
“What’s your number? No, not your phone number.”
While it’s not something that really matters, your curiosity still gets the best of you when it comes to his sexual history. I mean, it would be nice to know where he falls on the virgin to Dan Bilzerian scale.
“Are you clingy?”
You need to know ASAP, because if you’ve got a Stage 5 Clinger on your hands, you may just need to pull an emergency evacuation on the date.
“Are you a closet-alcoholic?”
He’s onto his seventh beer of the night and along with his blood alcohol content, your curiosity is also rapidly rising. You love drinking as much as an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day, but you also don’t want someone whose favorite (and only) hobby is beer pong.
“At what stage of the relationship will you delete your online dating apps? Deleting your online dating profile is a big statement these days when it comes to dating someone new. Deleting it after the first date is a bold move and basically means that he is done searching for anyone else.. but if he doesn’t delete it until weeks or months into your relationship, then you need to GTFO, pronto!
“If we date, will you still love me if I gain 20 pounds of relationship weight?”
Not saying it will definitely happen, but I also can’t say it’s a strictly hypothetical question…
“How many times have you lied to me already?” He’s definitely lied about something so far, whether it’s a small white lie or a massive one. Maybe it’s that story about saving the kitten from the burning building right before your date… But whatever it is, it would be nice to know how much of what he’s told you is B.S.!
“Are you a fitness freak?”
In other words, am I going to have to make you protein shakes and go mountain climbing with you? Because I really don’t think I have enough energy to keep up with that lifestyle. I’m all about that couch and take-away life.