First Dates 101: Things We Freak Out About That He Will Never, Ever Notice

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-Jessica Johnston –

When it comes to first dates, singles have a tendency to overthink things. “Does he think i’m as hot as my profile picture?! Am I showing too much cleavage? Not enough cleavage? Ugh I should have worn my push-up bra!!”

We have oh-so-many worries floating through our heads that sometimes we forget this simple fact: men do not pick up on those same tiny little things as we do. So before you get all worked up over nothing, just stop for a moment, breathe, and remember that he is not going to notice these 11 things!

That pre-date pimple you developed 2 hours ago that put you into cardiac arrest
To us, it feels like Mount Everest is growing out of our chin and he’s going to take one look at it and faint, but fear not. Just take a deep breath, slap on an extra layer of coverup, and rest assured he will never even notice your second head.

That your lid eyeliner is not a perfect line
Getting a perfect line/wing/whatever you do with your eyeliner is the kind of thing that only happens in fairytales. In reality though, your hand is quivering like there’s no tomorrow and getting that $h*t perfect is pretty much a miracle. In all honesty, men don’t know the first thing about what an eyeliner wing even is, so they’re sure as hell not going to notice if one wing is smaller than the other!

Whether you’re wearing a designer outfit
He’s probably so excited that he wouldn’t even notice if you were wearing a garbage bag to dinner (but please don’t test that theory!). Nine times out of ten, a hererosexual man will never notice if you’re wearing Couture vs. Forever 21, so if you have a super cute LBD you want to wear and are sweating over the fact it’s not a high-end brand, then stop your worrying because he’s not going to notice, nor care!

If you don’t order a salad
If you’re the type of girl who has a habit of panicking over the socially acceptable meal choice, then snap out of it right now! He’s got better things to focus on than whether or not your meal is under 800 calories. So if you’re craving a cheeseburger, get the damn burger!

If you’re eating faster than him
Maybe this is just me, but often times on a first date, i’m paranoid over the speed at which i’m eating. Maybe it’s because I inhale food like a hippo, but I can’t be the only one who has ever been conscious about this little insignificant thing on a date…right??

If your manicure is chipped
Guys will rarely notice whether your nails are manicured to perfection. The only time he will even look down at your nails will be to figure out whether you’re eligible back-scratching material, so don’t worry your pretty little head over having a chipped nail!

That your heartbeat is going a million miles per hour
His own heart is going at the same rate as yours, so he will be far too preoccupied with hiding his own nerves than to realize that you’re a nervous wreck too.

You forgot to wash your hair this morning
You were too busy shaving every inch of skin on your body that you completely forgot to wash your hair this morning. You’ve only just realized your mistake when you’re getting ready for your date, but it’s too late by that point to hop back in the shower. Rather than freaking out about that thin layer of grease (that he will definitely not notice), just throw some baby powder in and you’ll be good to go!

How many times you’ve said the word “like” in your sentence
Unless it’s like, an extremely like, huge like, amount of like times, he’s not going to notice!

If you forgot to put on perfume
You were in such a rush to get your hair, makeup, and outfit perfect that you forgot to douse yourself in perfume before you left. Fret not, because you have absolutely nothing to worry about. As long as you don’t smell like a dumpster, he’s not going to notice that you aren’t wearing perfume. How many times have you been on a date and realized he wasn’t wearing cologne? It’s just not something you notice if it’s not there.

That your date-perfect hairstyle has drifted out of place
You’ve spent 2 hours perfecting the perfect sexy curls, and now it’s raining on your way into the restaurant and you look like a wet dog. Perfect hair or not, he’s going to take one look at you and still think you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

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