First Date Disaster: The Frog Prince

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Dating apps get a bad reputation, but is meeting people in person really a better idea?  The founder of Bracket Dating, Whitney Linscott, shares one of her many dating experiences (hint: this one doesn’t end well!)

“I was out at a bar one evening and I saw this dapper gentleman across the room. He put tall dark and handsome to shame, he was eye candy to the first degree. We chatted for a bit and I found out he was in the wine business. Not just “in” the wine business but actually owned three vineyards. Why yes, I do enjoy a bottle, but why stop at one bottle when you own the whole vineyard?! I also found out he was divorced, but it’s not a total deal breaker that can’t be fixed with long walks holding hands through the vineyard. We exchanged numbers and parted ways. I was more excited about meeting this guy than a fat kid at the Twinkies factory. Several weeks later we set up a date. I tried to postpone the date because I was recovering from raging facial herpes. I had already convinced myself that this handsome man and I would be wed in the Spring at one of his vineyards in a gazebo adorned with little white lights and I wanted him to think of me as the future Mrs. not the future Ms. Herpes. He convinced me my oral disfiguration didn’t matter and that I should still come. He wanted to meet at the Palomar Hotel in Dallas, TX. That’s weird. Why would we be meeting at a hotel if we both lived in Dallas? He brushed off my inquisition by making some excuse about an early flight and being near the airport. I didn’t think much of it.

I must say I put a little extra effort into looking cute for this particular date because this was a big deal. This guy had VINEYARDS. The possibilities were endless. Rosé on Tuesday? Yes, please. Chardonnay on Friday? Don’t mind if I do. The importance of this date was as huge as Donald Trump’s ego. HUUUGGEE. As I entered the hotel my hair was flowing behind me with its big billowing curls blowing in the wind. Think of a horse galloping though a field in slow motion. That’s what my hair looked like. I rarely get good hair days, so the fact my hair decided to behave on this particular day was just the stars aligning. I called him from the lobby and he came down a long hall dressed in a pink polo, sharp jeans and looking just as dapper as I remember him looking from the bar. One should never trust beer goggles, but in this instance they did me proud.

Since I had met this fellow before I was unsure if a hand shake was appropriate or if I would need to engage in the half hug. He made that decision for me and we embraced in a “hu.” That’s short for half hug. We went to the pool area and he ordered us a bottle of wine to share in one of the cabanas. Very classy. The pool was empty since it was evening, but it was still lovely to lounge about poolside under the twinkling stars. There was great conversation, great chemistry and then he leaned in for a kiss. How romantic. Romantic? No. The previously mentioned volcanic herpes was not fully healed. I tried to stop him, but he just went for it. Gross. I really question someone who is willing, and actively trying, to kiss a woman with ooey gooey herpes lips. We continued to talk about family, wine and all the fixin’s. It was getting late and so under the duress of the hangover that was forming I bid him adieu and we parted ways. It was all I could have hoped for in a first date (except the icky kiss). This dating thing is so easy I thought to myself. This handsome, eligible, perfect guy basically fell into my life out of thin air. Are sick to your stomach with envy yet? The kind of sick to your stomach you get after you eat an extra-large Sundae? WARNING: Here comes the cherry on top! He texted me the next day to inform me that he was not divorced and that he was currently a married man. O.M.G. Words cannot express my horror when I found out my future of living in a vineyard and having wine on my Cheerios every morning came crashing down. First date? Swing and a married miss.”

It’s no wonder she felt the need to start her own dating app (and learned to start thoroughly Googling a guy before a date). She just wanted to #DateAWinner, but ended up kissing a frog instead.

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